Five years into this Dark Night of the Soul now – I find I still haven’t found the bottom, the end of the tunnel, the light switch. Ordinary and Divine circumstances conspire to keep hollowing me out from the inside. Wresting any illusion of control from me, but not yet replacing it with any sense of consolation or Communion. I am so alone, and so different from those around me. I mean, I’ve always been “different”, but now it pulses from my very cells, my blood and breath. I don’t know if I wear a strange expression these days, but I certainly garner some strange looks from others – my very aura must vibrate with it.
I am beginning to feel like that Nietzsche quote “….and when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”